4 Non Blondes’ “Bigger, Better, Faster, More!” (1992)

(Originally Published July 10th, 2012)
For my third review, I thought I’d give a one-hit wonder’s full album a fair shot. That one-hit wonder is 4 Non Blondes known for “What’s Up?” which has the potential to be a decent vessel, but is weighed down by  cringe-worthy lyrics. So “What’s Up?” is pretty terrible, but what if it doesn’t do the entire album justice? What if 4 Non Blondes’ “Bigger, Better, Faster, More!” is actually decent?Merriam-Webster defines decency as “conforming to standards of propriety, good taste, or morality”.

I could save you forty minutes of your life right now if you like, “Bigger, Better, Faster, More!” is not decent in the slightest respect. It is forty minutes of lacking, flaccid, boring, repetitive music. It is at worst, wretched, and at best, mediocre.

Lead singer Linda Perry sounds constantly over-dramatic. Guitar solos sound soulless and exist merely as fillers. The album’s best tracks are the ones where the band’s thin efforts manage to churn out harmless, generic rock music.

I wanted to be pleasantly surprised by 4 Non Blondes, I truly did. My goodness though, I have never listened to an album and felt this much regret. It’s like…

I volunteered to sit in a waiting room for forty minutes. The chair cushion was thin and worn out from years of use, the ceiling tiles past their prime – yellowed and not as whole as they once were. There was no TV, radio, or magazine to keep me occupied. No windows to look out of, no pattern or color to please the eyes could be found anywhere in the room. Finally, after what seems like hours, I am let out of the waiting room and asked “Well, how would you describe your experience?”.

Regrettable. I really wish I hadn’t done it. Nothing was gained. Time was lost. I only hope that I can stop others from making that same mistake.

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