On Eating Clean

They say addicts have to hit rock bottom before they seek help, or seriously try to get clean. Can the same be said for those of us who eat poorly? The physical and emotional pain experienced just after eating Five Guys was just so overwhelming today, I feel like I should never go back, I feel like getting clean. I need fruit, vegetables, and water as soon as possible.

A bag of iceberg lettuce, and apples sits in the fridge at home. The time is 4PM, I’ve been awake since 11 AM and I haven’t had time to eat yet. Surrendering to a hunger, and need for a quick meal, I stopped at Five Guys. How many times over the last three years at Pitt does this make it? The hamburger itself was delicious as always and inspired no great guilt, yet when faced with a greasy paper bag of fries, I started to break down.

Physically, I feel bloated, full, big. Like I could throw up. Emotionally, lonely, tired, stuck. Full of regret, wishing I hadn’t done that to myself. Over an hour after finishing, the pain hasn’t gone away. Burping, remembering the taste of onions and pickles, smelling of fast food, feeling oily.

This person is at odds with the person who, on Tuesday, pulled himself together, got to the gym, and rowed. I mean, my goodness, how could these be two sides to the same coin? Why don’t I eat clean from now on? Look at what I did to myself by eating Five Guys, could you imagine how much better I’d feel if I just walked another block and got myself to Panera Bread? No more, period. This is cold turkey quitting, starting today, no more Five Guys.

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