I found a Virginia Woolf quote in an Alison Bechdel book that reminded me of one of the great things about writing diaries, journals, or blogs posts like these… The quote highlights what goes wrong when you don’t write.
“What a disgraceful lapse! Nothing added to my disquisition, and life allowed to waste like a tap left running. Eleven days unrecorded.”
Having a record of what’s happening in life is why I like to write these things, or so I thought. I looked back at the “What’s Up?” posts from September-December 2013 and could find very little of real value. I’m so vague about what happens in my life. I complain about being upset and then drinking too much, and about wanting to diet and exercise… There’s absolutely no mention of Alison Bechdel in 2013! What nonsense. Reading Bechdel’s Fun Home in the winter of 2013 was by far one of the most identity formative events of that entire year. It was so important, and yet I never mentioned it. I wrote about internalized feminine qualities in essays, I wrote confessional prose – all submitted to professors but none to the public here on this blog.
This blog then reads like a collection of vague feelings, to me at least. There are some things that I’ve changed in my life from a year ago. I wrote a whole post about how skipping classes made me feel guilty. A year later: I have not intentionally skipped class this whole semester. The times I overslept don’t make me feel guilty either because they’ve been largely out of my control, misunderstandings about how the **** an iPhone works. The worries about diet and exercise? What of them? I have a bike in the room that gets used at a minimum of once a week, and I have walnuts and granola on my snack shelf instead of Lays and Tostitos. I have a recorded history of worrying about things that aren’t problems anymore, and I wonder if writing about them helped me confront those problems…. Still, I wish I wrote more honestly and opening about the things that made me feel bad. Instead I’m left deciphering, “What could have upset me so much back in September?”
I saw the Nutcracker, as produced by the Pitt Ballet Club. Couldn’t believe how many memorable, famous pieces of music came out of that. Tchaikovsky’s killing it! Dayumn. Anyways, it was gorgeous, I have all of that music stuck in my head, especially The Waltz of Flowers? Waltz of The Flowers? Drosslemeyer was played excellently, and reminded me of Fujimoto from Ponyo, in that he was a cool wizard-type guy who introduced a regular human girl to a crazy world of live toys and sweets. I’m stretching the details a bit, but look – The Nutcracker could easily be animated by Studio Ghibli and be this super bizarre anime and it would totally work.