Super Smash Maximus

So since I didn’t have TV to keep me occupied during lunch, one of the things I did today was watch Super Smash Bros. for the Nintendo 64 play itself. Mario vs. Luigi, level nine computers, fighting for my amusement while I ate a grilled cheese sandwich, (olive oil bread with cheddar cheese). I set the life count to 25 because I wanted it to last a while, but I think it’s maybe lasting too long.

Luigi got the first knock-out, but now he’s sorely behind with 11 lives to Mario’s 15. I wouldn’t say this plan worked, I’m not really entertained. There have been a number of moments I wish I could have captured on video, where the computers just caught themselves in strategic loops.

For instance:
A dangerous but powerful item lands in the center of the fighting ring, Mario and Luigi approach it, hoping to grasp that item for themselves. Just as they’re capable of grabbing the item, they’re also in the item’s deadly reach, so both Mario and Luigi dodge-roll out of the way, only to continue approaching the item afterwards. This loops a few times before the item disappears and the fighting continues again.

This is just the type of thing that I would write about when left with nothing left to keep me occupied. Luigi has closed the gap, eight lives to Mario’s nine. With 101% damage, he brings the match to an even eight-eight, though Mario has 0% damage. A Luigi win is not out of the realm of possibility… And then, Luigi grabbed a Heart Container, brought his health down to 0%, and knocked out Mario. Luigi has eight lives left to Mario’s seven.

Luigi stays on top, or even with Mario, until with five lives, Mario knocks Luigi down to just four. Afterwards Mario grabbed a Heart Container, sealing his victory, I assumed. Luigi reached his final life, and Mario still had two. Having only taken 29% damage, Luigi knocked out Mario. At that moment, two Pokeballs fell from the sky. Luigi grabbed one. Mario grabbed one.

Luigi’s Pokeball released a Starmie, and Mario’s released a Beedrill. Luigi came out of the Pokemon fight with 77% damage, to Mario’s 40%. The brothers threw fireballs at each other, landed some punches, and Luigi appeared to be on top; 85% damage to Mario’s 97%. That’s when Mario grabbed a Laser Sword, and put the beat down on Luigi. The brutality didn’t stop there, as Mario grabbed a Fire Flower, and then Luigi had taken 221% damage to Mario’s 101%.

Down but not out, Luigi grabbed another Laser Sword. He was on the ropes, one good hit away from being KO’d, when he threw the Laser Sword in Mario’s face, sending Mario flying of the stage. After nearly thirty grueling minutes, Luigi wins.

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