I’m Fucked Up, But At Least I Have…
I almost ran two miles today. There’s no way I could have done this two or three months ago. My body has never been better, I can say that easily. I’ve been lazy and stagnant since Middle School, and I’ve never been active and outdoors more often in my life than I am today; I can say that easily.
I’ve never felt like my mind is more fucked, paranoid, a thin; I can say that easily. Getting into fights with people, in my mind. Imagining the worst case scenarios, imagining people conspiring against me, wondering which friends like me and which friends are wearing masks.
I saw this New York Times story… I didn’t read it, I just saw it… it said something along the lines of “Nobody Wants To Meet The Real You.” It’s true right? I mean, if you meet someone for the first time, and you tell them the type of stuff I write here… it just doesn’t work. You put on your best mask; I’m an English Student, I like Starbucks and Netflix, yada yada yada. I haven’t worn a mask in a while, but the mask is starting to sound attractive, because doing my own thing, being honest and open, it doesn’t feel like it’s working.