New York, New York
So, it’s been 2 weeks since I’ve been back in Pittsburgh after about 12 days in New York. I meant to write this immediately upon my return, but, a little time away to think doesn’t hurt. I do struggle when thinking about New York conceptually; it is where I’m from, it is my first home, but I don’t want to gush about it too much. My friends and family there are great, and it’s really easy to be surrounded by the sights of the city and become infatuated by them, but then there’s Pittsburgh, my chosen home. And when I’m away from Pittsburgh and I’m in the house I grew up in, I don’t know, it feels wrong. It feels too much like coming home from college, only different, like I went to college and never came back and that’s resented. It’s weird being a stranger in the house you grew up in — you can’t help changing while you’re away, and you spend enough time away from everyone that they’ve changed too (like, when did your brother get into Kendrick? I wish I was there for that).
Every visit to New York brings feelings like these; you’re glad to see everyone, but the ways in which you’ve changed sometimes leads to unexpected results. Sometimes that’s good, sometimes that’s bad, and the whole thing feels very melancholy.
In the 12 days I spent in New York, I spent a pretty significant amount of time just cleaning my old room. It’s unrealistic to expect this room that hasn’t been mine in 6 years to reflect who I am, but I can at least bring a few touches of the new me to the room. Something the Pittsburgh version of me is really into is tidying, and in tidying I probably threw out 2 garbage bags worth of old crap. Old drawings, notes from as far back as my sophomore year of college, and useless trinkets were all over the room, scattered and taking up space. It gave the impression that someone lived there, with all of this media lying around, but whoever it was hadn’t lived there in quite some time.
The room went from wearing the trash of my past, to accessorizing my past, fashionably. Some good drawings from high school are now propped up, some decorations my dad purchased, and even some toys from childhood make an appearance. With another round of cleaning in December it might start to feel more and more like my room again (or something I at least had a hand in designing).
I will say this about being in New York — every second that I’m not in Pittsburgh reminds me of who I am and what I want to do in Pittsburgh. It gives me a focus and a drive. I long to return to my work, to return to my apartment, and to work hard to improve both.
Obit. for a Tree
Today when I returned to work, a four-story tree that stood outside my apartment all three years that I’ve lived here, was cut down. I didn’t even get to say goodbye, so I’ll write my farewell here.
That tree gave me front-row seats to so many birds, from tiny chickadees and hummingbirds, to red-tailed hawks. That tree and I went through the seasons together, and I’m going to miss seeing it outside my window. Peace out tree, it’s been good.