Looking back at five years of New Years Facebook statuses, a trend appears. Almost every New Years Eve, I throw the old year under the bus, and act like the new year will fix everything. I suppose that’s only tradition. You ring in the new year with your best hopes, resolutions, and ideas. But for as horrible a year 2014 was in world news, I personally can’t throw it under the bus. I’m not going to say “good riddance” to 2014, or welcome 2015 like a new messiah. 2014 was a formative year in actualizing some of my best work and personal characteristics. Things were rough in the world, but in my little bubble? I’d take more of the same. 2014 was a balanced diet of personal highs and lows.
I’m excited for 2015, who isn’t? A new year means new possibilities. Nobody’s writing a status or blog post about “Why I’m not excited for a new year to start” because just about everyone wants the new year. The only thing I’m trying to add is a defense of the old year. For just once in my life, trying to say “Hello” to the new year without leaving 2014 cold-shouldered.
My break was good, thanks for asking. Good times were had with the family; I bonded over music with my father, got into no fights with my brother, and the whole family watched home videos from 1994-1997 together. Better than average times were had with friends; I learned how hair is bleached and dyed, I played with a puppy, I had hard cider for the first time (though I still need to get my hands on some Hereford-made stuff), caught up with friends, found out where acquaintances are in life, I found out Paul Walker died while I was having my first and only slice of New York Pizza while on break, I Mario-Partied it up, and I had a very nice diner at Paddy’s Loft.
Now, into the eye of the storm. Two papers due this week. One exam. One Power Point presentation. Internship applications. Potential internship interviews. Three papers due the week after that. Two interviews left to complete for the Journalism Paper. Two final exams.
I honestly don’t know what day it is anymore. I’ve got so little time until I go back to Pittsburgh. I’m running out of time to find somebody to see Anamanaguchi with me this Friday. I’m leaving the 22nd and moving in one the 23rd. My battery is at 42%. I spent today catching up on my Showtime shows, after spending yesterday consumed with Breaking Bad. I’m trying pack my possessions early so that move-in-day isn’t so chaotic. It’s hard to pack your possessions early because putting something away now means not using it or seeing it for x amount of days. Is this as organized as this box could be? Could I fit more into this box? This box is freaking heavy.
No joke though, one box is like 90% books and shouldn’t be carried by a single person.
I either need more time or less time, but I hate this in between phase. There’s not enough time to do everything I wanted this summer, there’s too much time to just pack up and leave just yet. What’s left is this weird feeling that I don’t like. Trying to squeeze the most out of everything; making every day perfect – it just makes every day worse. It’s like squeezing the last drops out of a lemon I’d rather just toss.
Other than that, times are okay. These last days aren’t so bad in reality, just very tiring on the mind. My battery is at 37%.
I’m incredibly bummed right now. Yesterday I was going through this really distressing feeling of not knowing how much time I had spent, or how much time I had left in the summer. For whatever reason I had felt like I had already wasted all of my summer, even though I have most of it ahead of me waiting to happen. I was frozen with this feeling like I had wasted so much time, and that I was not seeing my friends enough and, I was losing my mind over nothing – essentially.
So 7/7/2013 wasn’t spectacular internally, though I had fun with friends. Then today started off pretty freaking okay. I woke up, played Animal Crossing, chilled with my best buddy Cyrano the Anteater, and then proceeded to warm up some steak tidbits from Paddy’s Loft. Breakfast was great, lunch was great, I was listening to the Dissecting Dexter Podcast and was in a relatively good mood and…
I found out Ryan Davis of GiantBomb.com had died.
I spend easily over ten hours a week listening to and watching Ryan Davis through podcasts and videos on GiantBomb. This guy who I’ve come to know and care about over hundreds of hours of media, is now just fucking gone.
I feel like going to bed. I feel sick.