What’s Up? (1/15/15)

Coffee-Sleep Ratio
So yesterday really tested how much I could function on a bad night of sleep and a nice cup of cappuccino. What I found was that through my Piano and Poetry courses, up until Roman Civilization – I could handle it. I played piano well, discussed poetry like a normal person, ate, had coffee, read Moby Dick for two hours. It was like I had gotten eight hours of sleep. Who could tell? Except when I made it to Gender, Sexuality, and Women’s Studies. “How’s you’re day?” “Well, I’m running on three hours sleep, ha, ha.” —I realized that little tidbit of information is more alarming to people, than charming.— During that class I started to zone out, not be as happy and smiley as I should be. I also did the math and realized I’d be away from my apartment for a full 12 hours by the time I got back.

On Hunger
With fifteen-minute chunks between classes on Wednesday, my food options are rather limited. There was a window where I could have quickly gobbled down a Chicken Sandwich, but it didn’t feel right. I mean, it had been hours since I had a bagel and cappuccino, I was starving. And there they were, a rack of Chicken Sandwiches, Chicken Nuggets, Fries, all from Chik-Fil-A. And it just… oh. It just didn’t feel right. Hand my money to Chik-Fil-A, then go take a Gender-Sexuality class. Make a small donation to “Pray the Gay Away” camps and “Defense of Marriage” organizations, and then go learn about intersectional oppression. It’s not like eating at Chik Fil-A is an inherently bad act, but once you know where the money’s going, it feels like a two-faced, ignorant act. So that’s another thing that made (1/14/15) pretty messed up – hunger.

On Balance
Podcasting, Society6, WordPress, Linkedin, Bandcamp, Moby Dick, Sappho Was A Right-On Woman, Piano, Vagina Monologues… Many assets. Many facets. Accounts. Passwords. Assignments. Projects.

Content Creator.

Content Consumer.

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What’s Up? (11/8/14)

Concentration Problems
So, I should be working. I have essays to write, books to read, and I’ve wasted some time today and I don’t know why. I know how miserable I get when I have to cram work into Sunday, so, why do I slack off on Saturday? I guess things didn’t start off amazing: I was insanely stuffed up this morning as I was trying to go to bed -and when my alarm went off at 7AM I had only gotten two hours of sleep- so I went right back to bed. This means that I missed a volunteering opportunity with the Secular Alliance which makes me feel bad, since I’m the acting secretary, but I don’t know if going downtown to pick up trash was going to be a smart decision if I were sick with two hours of sleep. But am I making excuses? I wish I knew. When I get things done, I do them well, whether it’s art, writing, or other works and projects… I’ll make it up to the Secular Alliance, and I’ll get my essays done – but these times when I’m recovering or “wasting time,” they hurt. On one hand, I need to do things – I feel great when I’m doing things and getting things done! On the other, I naturally do nothing on Saturdays, no matter how much I feel I should. (that’s not always true, but it feels like it’s harder to do things). 

Riot Grrrl
Three things you should learn
Riot Grrrl will never die
Every girl is a Riot Grrrl
Stop boys violence

When the schoolwork piles up and I feel stressed out about things, like the future of my college life and post-college life, reflecting on the past can help a lot! I like to think about how far things have come since a year ago. One little book, Alison Bechdel’s Fun Home led to an “identity activation” for me… I identified as a feminist before reading it – but reading it changed something in me. I wanted to get involved, I wanted to learn things, to make a difference – and a year later I totally have! I’m in three clubs that are fighting for gender and sexuality equality, and working to create safe environments for people.

It’s like, I’m pushing a stone up a hill right now, and that sucks – but if I look downhill I can see how far I’ve come. I’ve become a much better person, and I shouldn’t get discouraged just because I have a challenging weekend. It’ll be rough tomorrow, and the day after that – as there are essays due Monday and Tuesday… but they’re only two days.

I can work harder than usual for two days.

What’s Up? (10/1/14)

I’m halfway through the sixth week of this semester, which isn’t exactly an important statement, or relevant to what I want to talk about, but something I wanted to say.

The pothos I bought to replace my snake plant is dying at an incredibly fast rate. I’m not panicking about it. I have a line of fake plants that I’m looking at to replace it. Plastic doesn’t die, and it’s not important that the plant be a living thing, only that it adds green to the room.

I realized that I’ve been getting compliments for the watches I’ve been wearing, and my outfits in general recently – and I realized that I had accomplished one of my goals from the What’s Up? of (7/21/14), which is to create color coordinated outfits. This made me happy.

I think a lot of things are making me happy actually, though I get super side-tracked by stress and anxiety. What am I doing writing this? It feels like a waste of time. I feel so cheesy but, I want to say some things that are making me happy: I haven’t bought anything on Amazon in quite some time. GAH. Why does that make me feel better? I went to bed before 1AM yesterday. BLEH. I mean, my goodness. For things that are making me feel good, I sure feel like an idiot for writing those down. This blog isn’t a pity party, certainly. I mean I write things that aren’t just lists of complaints and things bothering me. I think I try to be positive here. And for what it’s worth, there’s plenty of things like, media reviews. There’s categories for stuff.

What’s up today on October 1st is that I’m feeling good, and weird. As I said last night at CWO: I’m in good spirits, but my body is exhausted. Right now, I’m excited to go make lunch (at 4 PM) but my shoulders feel sore, and even though I’m well rested, the bed calls for me. I guess the best metaphor for what’s going on right now is: I like where I’m going, and I like where I am, but steering this ship is exhausting.

 

What’s Up? (8/20/14)

Sometimes I look at the things I’ve written down on this blog and think, what the hell was that supposed to mean? I get upset that in the past I choose to be vague instead of just up front about what I meant to say. In as few words as possible: being in Pittsburgh makes me feel like myself again and it separates me from a lot of bad memories and the feeling of being stuck. I’m biking most nights, I’ve remembered how much I love to just throw on deadmau5 and bang out beats in my bedroom, and I’m making drinks on regular no-occasion nights. With being back, there’s a little bit of that old 4AM attitude again. I contemplated just not sleeping last night, since the previous two hours of trying to sleep had been so unsuccessful. When it’s 5AM and you feel wide awake, things go poorly.

My goodness though, life feels so damn tropical. Harry Belafonte’s spinning on the record player, I’m having the Monkey Mocha and Coconut Coffees around campus, I’m sweating bullets in the park while listening to Chico Trujillo, and my hand soap smells like Jamba Juice. I’m outside on the balcony soaking sunlight every day because you just never know, come next week, or the week after that, we can be in 50-degree temperatures, and it’ll be snowing before I know it.

There’s a lot of indecision happening on a regular basis though, in the field of “what the hell do I eat, and should I go to CVS?” For weeks in a row I’ve forgotten the same home essentials, though I’ve remembered to stock up on booze so, what’s with that? I think I’m looking healthier though, and feeling it. Portion control’s working, I’m not ordering extras, and I still afford myself the things I love around town but without less guilt attached, since there’s a lot of exercise happening. I’m still miffed about how some things ended in New York on this whole subject, since I, and I alone make choices about my body. A part of me’s upset for apologizing and coming to some fake resolution to an argument, but whatever gets people to shut up sometimes.

 

What’s Up? (2/12/14)

I don’t even dislike not getting sleep anymore. When the nights come where I have to work until daylight in order to finish assignments, I don’t hate myself for waiting until it was too late to finish something, I’m not even upset; I just deal with the fact that what needs to get done, will get done, no matter what. It’s 8 AM on 2/13/14, so I’m actively lying by calling this the 2/12/14 edition of What’s Up, but I don’t care. This is what was up yesterday: I knew I’d be here, doing this, I knew as far back as Sunday night that I’d be here. In my naivety I thought I’d be done with work by 5 AM, har!

That might have been the case, but I gave away about an hour and a half more than I needed to, in order to read some of One Hundred Years of Solitude  by Gabriel Garcia Marquez. That book was worth it though, it reminds me of East of Eden by John Steinbeck, because it tells this rich, large-family, multi-generational story. So an hour and a half went to reading, and another hour went to watching this week’s Broad City and The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson. “Oh what a waste of time” you say, but you’d be wrong. I’d rather enjoy one last hour of fun, and finish the day at 8 AM, than working through the night to finish at 7 AM. If you ask me, keeping yourself happy is more important than adding an hour or two to the nap of a night’s sleep you’re going to get, if any.

Which, I’m undecided right now actually, about whether or not to sleep. See, staying up through an all-nighter really reminds me of taking classes at Pitt over the summer, and do you remember what I liked to do on the mornings of all-nighters? Exercise! That’s right, like a freaking lunatic. Yes. I am actually considering heading up to The Peterson Events Center gym, (if it’s open) and getting in maybe thirty minutes of rowing, before coming downhill, having a bagel at Bruegger’s, and well, who knows after that. I tell you what, I’d be much happier with going to the gym right now, than getting three or four measly hours of sleep before I’d have to wake up and get ready for class and yadda-yadda-yadda.

You get the picture, the horrible, twisted picture. This is life, now, living.