I was just thinking before writing: “Man, nothing’s changed since I last wrote. I’m still coughing. I’m still stuffy from time to time. Being sick is still holding me back.”
But then I remembered I had an amazing Pride Week from beginning to end. On Monday I saw the amazing Laverne Cox who gave an amazing speech, touching on topics of gender, bullying, and perseverance. On Tuesday the Campus Women’s Organization had another great meeting, this week on reproductive justice ( maybe one of my last meetings ever :c ). On Wednesday the Fourth Wave feminist magazine had its last meeting of the semester, complete with pizza. On Thursday there was of course a Condom Casino, where I heard of an opportunity from Planned Parenthood, met up with friends I hadn’t seen in a while, and walked away with fist-fulls of condoms.
And that brings us to Friday, the night of the 15th Annual Drag Show, which was amazing. Very talented people, very funny, and I had a chance to go backstage and become friends with a Drag Queen ( c: ).
So am I still sick? Yeah. My throat is still sore from time to time. I’m coughing pretty badly. My nose gets stuffed up.
But I’m having a good time.
In trying to think about how to write my Senior Seminar project, I think I’ve come across a route that I like: Drinking and Sophistication. See, it’s hard to drink with an ounce of sophistication in a college setting, I think. For starters, if you’re underage and in a dry college dorm, you have to keep it on the down-low. When you are of age, you find liquor stores filled with adults buying booze for kids, stocked with cheap liquor. You find bars that don’t have cocktail glasses because they’re too expensive and too delicate to give to drunk college students. When you live a mile from the nearest place that serves you a drink in a martini glass, you have to do it on your own. A martini glass was probably one of the first things I bought from the University of Pittsburgh store after books, and when I got off campus it was a low-ball glass and a stainless steel shaker. I’m not sure where I’m going with this, but the arc is a little like this: at college you’re surrounded by cheap easy choices, and I chose the sophisticated path.
So yesterday really tested how much I could function on a bad night of sleep and a nice cup of cappuccino. What I found was that through my Piano and Poetry courses, up until Roman Civilization – I could handle it. I played piano well, discussed poetry like a normal person, ate, had coffee, read Moby Dick for two hours. It was like I had gotten eight hours of sleep. Who could tell? Except when I made it to Gender, Sexuality, and Women’s Studies. “How’s you’re day?” “Well, I’m running on three hours sleep, ha, ha.” —I realized that little tidbit of information is more alarming to people, than charming.— During that class I started to zone out, not be as happy and smiley as I should be. I also did the math and realized I’d be away from my apartment for a full 12 hours by the time I got back.
With fifteen-minute chunks between classes on Wednesday, my food options are rather limited. There was a window where I could have quickly gobbled down a Chicken Sandwich, but it didn’t feel right. I mean, it had been hours since I had a bagel and cappuccino, I was starving. And there they were, a rack of Chicken Sandwiches, Chicken Nuggets, Fries, all from Chik-Fil-A. And it just… oh. It just didn’t feel right. Hand my money to Chik-Fil-A, then go take a Gender-Sexuality class. Make a small donation to “Pray the Gay Away” camps and “Defense of Marriage” organizations, and then go learn about intersectional oppression. It’s not like eating at Chik Fil-A is an inherently bad act, but once you know where the money’s going, it feels like a two-faced, ignorant act. So that’s another thing that made (1/14/15) pretty messed up – hunger.
Podcasting, Society6, WordPress, Linkedin, Bandcamp, Moby Dick, Sappho Was A Right-On Woman, Piano, Vagina Monologues… Many assets. Many facets. Accounts. Passwords. Assignments. Projects.
Heh, the date is 1-23. I’m doing good. Everything bad that I’ve felt over the last few days; from horrible laundry machine malfunctions, to eating a whole eight serves of pita chips in one day, to loneliness and self-hate, is miraculously gone. A new art piece in the bedroom (a Plumen 001 light fixture), a seminar about Transexuality in Thailand presented by Aren Z. Aizura, and a shrimp’n’salad dinner – that’s all it took. A new infinity scarf that radiates a rainbow of colors around my person, a class where I can make both intelligent and humorous remarks (generally feeling noticed and very-much not-invisible), and a clever shortcut in an art piece – other sprinkles of delight on the day.
The Plumen 001 is beautiful, a twisted knot of a light-bulb, and needs no lamp or shade – it stands on it’s own. Aren Z. Aizura is brilliant, and his work and presentation about Thailand was incredibly informative. Additionally, when I took a seat in the back of the seminar room, and embarrassingly my backpack fell and made a bunch of loud noise – everybody who turned around to investigate had a friendly face on. And the shrimp and salad? A blend of foods that left me feeling exactly no guilt about eating. The new infinty scarves from Scarf& look fabulous, though I’ve only thrown on this paint-splatter rainbow pattern one, and I think it works well with a white tee. I’m thinking about picking up five-t-shirts from American Apparel; black, white, cyan, magenta, and yellow; a CMYK+W t-shirt collection. Plain tees will go better with this new scarf look I’m going for, as these scarves have a tendency not to go with, or cover up a large portion of the t-shirt design.
I felt comfortable today. No self-hate, body shame, none of that “oh god what did I eat?” stuff. I do want to go to the gym tomorrow, but that’s a choice, not born from some pressure to lose weight. Also, don’t let me forget, I need to call up the folks at the Cider House tomorrow for an interview.